


100-Word Porn-Off

by dotchan



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Challenge Response, M/M, Sexual Humor, Wordcount: 100
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 06:40:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14995031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dotchan/pseuds/dotchan
Summary: A collection of 100-word drabbles using themes requested in TF2Chan, written sometime in the past.





	100-Word Porn-Off

1\. Beware the Nice Ones (Engineer/You, bondage, toys)    
  
Too late you realize that the worst part about being captured isn’t being bound, gagged, and helpless at the hands of the Engineer, but the inevitable turning point in which your body becomes obviously aroused by the repeated violations of your most sensitive bits. You can no longer hold back tears as the slight hitches in breath and whimpers turn into wanton moans and screams.    
  
Grinning a mile wide, the Engineer grabs you by the hair and yanks your head up to better see him gloat and reach into his pants.    
  
“I told you not to touch the darned thing.”    


* * *

2\. English Lessons (Spy/Engineer, spanking, nitpicking about pronunciation)    
  
The Spy admired the panting Engineer sprawled face down on the bed, the other man’s ass red and sore from the repeated spankings. “I’m starting to think that you enjoy this sort of thing, Laborer.”    
  
The Engineer tried to prop himself up by the arms again. “Please, Spah, jus’—ah!” He cried out as the Spy’s hand descended upon his abused rear again.    
  
“We’ve been over this,” the Spy chided. “To borrow a horribly inaccurate Soldier-ism, ‘this is America! Speak proper American!’”    
  
“Yer one ta talk about proper English,” the Engineer muttered into the pillow, earning yet another sound smacking.    


* * *

3\. Tie Me Down (Sniper/surprise pairing, bondage, begging)    
  
There shouldn’t have been anything pleasant about being tied up: no matter what materials the Sniper tried, it always ended up digging into his wrists, and his shoulders would be sore for hours afterward. Plus there was the definite danger of being unable to defend himself properly should something go wrong. But when one wrist, and then the other, was bent behind his back, he could already feel excitement building between his legs.    
  
“Stop taking your sweet time and hurry it up already.”    
  
“Patience,” the Heavy chided, looping the tape around the wrists as if he were swaddling a baby.    


* * *

4\. Strangers with Candy (Sniper/Scout, High School AU, Rape Van)    
  
Sure, the dude who lived out of that rickety old camper smelled funny, didn’t have any concept of personal space, and all around gave off super creepy vibes. But he was also a great listener, never called Scout any variant of “brat”, and had the best stuff that no other grownup would let him even touch, much less experiment with.    
  
So when Scout was invited, for the first time, into ol’ Snipes’ so-called “Rape Van” for a bong and porn session, he didn’t think any of it. And hey, what ended up happening was none of anyone else’s business anyway.    


* * *

5\. Wonderful Toys (Spy/Sniper, the Engineer’s stash, dubious consent)    
  
“I found these in our dear Engineer’s workshop,” the Spy remarked aloud, securing a small pill-sized vibrator to the Sniper’s nipple so that he now had a matching pair. “At first, I thought it rather pathetic that he would resort to such cruel methods of gratification, but now I see the appeal in them: people tire. These will keep running as long as they have fresh batteries.”    
  
Were he capable of coherent thought, the Sniper might have snapped back a witty retort, but he was too busy struggling against his bonds and failing to look like he wasn’t enjoying himself.    


* * *

6\. He Who Hunts Monsters (Demoman/Tentaspy, hatred, rape)    
  
The creature let out a piercing scream as the Demoman removed another flailing limbs with the Eyelander. “S-stop! Don’t—”    
  
A harsh slam against the wall silenced further protest. The Demoman sneered when he saw a trickle of red. “Good to know you can still bleed, monster.” He pressed his erection against the opening he found on the soft underside. “But if you behave, then maybe I’ll even let you have some fun.”    
  
“No—please—”    
  
The Demoman ignored the protests and forced his way in, eliciting more cries of pain. He paid no heed.    
  
Monsters didn’t deserve any mercy.    


* * *

7\. Battle Medic (MANRY Medic)    
  
Medics, according to the Soldier, were supposed to be cowards who, when not hiding behind their Commie meat-shields, would flee at the slightest hint of danger. So he was surprised, to say the least, when the Medic rescued him from certain death in a Dustbowl match. He stared as the Medic kept the enemy at bay with a hail of needles, rushing forward to chop the larger man to death for the final blow.    
  
“I’m charged!” The Medic then boomed at the Soldier, training the Medigun’s beam on him. “Go!”    
  
He obeyed, trying to ignore the stirring in his pants.    


* * *

8\. All in the Family (Spy/Scoutmama/Scout)    
  
It wasn’t fair. He was supposed to be special, be different. So why was Mother moaning like a common whore for the new guy?    
  
She saw him standing there, smiled, and called his name. “This is the friend I told you about, dear. It’s okay.”    
  
He didn’t understand. She wanted him to share?    
  
The masked man smirked. “He really is his father’s son.”    
  
No! He was nothing like Father! Father was a bad man!    
  
Mother called his name again. “Please.”    
  
This time, he didn’t hesitate. He shed his clothes and entered.    
  
He was not going to lose to some stranger.    


* * *

9\. Highland Fling (Demoman/Scout)    
  
Listening to the Scout swear up a storm as the Demoman finger-fucked him with one hand and held the squirmy boy in his lap with the other, he had to wonder if the team’s resident runner was ever capable of keeping his mouth shut. Then he decided he could leave that theory for when he taught the Scout how to give proper blowjobs and settled for admiring the fine, lithe frame bouncing up and down in his arms.    
  
The Scout was still quick to peel away afterward, but this time, he at least threw back a muttered “thanks” before leaving.    


* * *

10\. Curiosity Killed the Cat (Scout/whomever, the Engineer’s stash again)    
  
The two Scouts alternated between staring at each other and the objects they found in the Engineer’s workshop. “This explains…a lot,” the blond one muttered, setting the thing back down again. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go get so plastered I don’t remember ever finding this.”    
  
“Not curious as to how these work?” The brunette teased.    
  
“Fuck, no.” Blondie started backing out of the room. “What if I turn into some sex addict like everyone else here?”    
  
Brown pouted. “Man, you’re no fun sometimes.”    
  
“You wanna stick one ‘a Hardhat’s toys up your ass, do it yourself.”    


* * *

11\. Cold War Relations (Medic in the middle)    
  
When word filtered through from outside that Communists were now the bad guys, team opinion on the Medic went from ostracism to over-protectiveness at once. The Soldier in particular became determined to be a positive influence in the Medic’s life to counteract the Heavy’s “evil” one.    
  
The Medic found the Soldier’s friendship even more intolerable than his hatred. Unlike the Heavy, the American couldn’t be convinced to give the Medic any privacy. And then when the Soldier found out about the little arrangement between the Medic and the Heavy, he even went so far as offering himself as a substitute.    


* * *

12\. When the Camper is Rocking… (Sniper/Heavy, cramped space)    
  
The camper really wasn’t meant for someone of the Heavy’s size, but it was the only place the Sniper could be guaranteed privacy—after all, who dared to be near the infamous “Rape Van”? And the Heavy didn’t seem to mind the cramped quarters too much; in fact, he’d laugh whenever they had to move something out of the way or adjust so that a sharp corner wasn’t digging into soft flesh.    
  
“Maybe Sniper needs bigger van,” the Heavy would often tease afterward, pulling the Sniper into his lap while he himself made an impressive dent in the Sniper’s mattress.    


* * *

13\. Porn Night (Scout’s Mom, Sniper’s Mom, Demoman’s Mom)    
  
This night had started like any other, with the Engineer setting up the equipment while the others claimed their favorite spots and passed around drinks and snacks.    
  
Except the Scout soon recognized the pretty young thing doing a striptease as his mother; everyone laughed at the poor kid’s over the top reaction, shouting down his frantic requests to stop the reel. Then the next character walked into shot.    
  
“Dude, isn’t that—”    
  
The Demoman glared daggers. “Shut yer mouth, boy!”    
  
By the time the uncomfortably familiar-looking Australian woman made her appearance, nobody complained when the Engineer declared the night over.    


* * *

14\. Ceiling Spy is Watching You Masturbate (Sniper, dildo, cloaked Spy voyeurism)    
  
The original plan was to murder the enemy bushman in his own van, proving once and for all that the Spy was the superior assassin.    
  
That went out the window once the Spy discovered just what the Sniper did in said van, and all he could do was stare in both morbid fascination and wide-eyed horror as the Sniper pulled an enormous vibrator from the depths of a box somewhere and proceeded to use it on himself.    
  
The Spy left the van both aroused and quite sexually confused, having never personally witnessed the appeal of having something up one’s ass.    


* * *

15\. Field Training (Cuanta Vida’s new RED Medic)    
  
It wasn’t that he was squeamish or that he had no experience treating injuries before. And BLU—except for the Soldier—didn’t seem all that serious about trying to kill him or his teammates. But a month into his new job, he was still returning to his room trembling and wanting to throw up without knowing the reason.    
  
He jumped as he felt the Sniper’s arms circle around his waist. “You still need to watch your back more.”    
  
He tried to relax against the touch, but his heartbeats refused to slow down. “Why? Isn’t that what I have you for?”    


* * *

16\. Narcissism (Demoman/Demoman)    
  
What was there not to like about the enemy Demoman when they weren’t trying to reduce each other to bury-you-in-soup-can-sized bits? They shared a love of drink, high explosives, and Scotland—not necessarily in that order—that no-one else on their respective teams could ever begin to understand. And, admittedly, there was something attractive about the familiar, a face almost as handsome as his own.    
  
Both of them agreed that this didn’t mean anything besides some well-deserved self-gratification. Once burned, twice shy, as the old adage went, and one lifetime of drama over supposed betrayals and ruined friendships was enough.    


* * *

17\. Do Not Disturb (Engineer/Spy, sex in uncomfortable places, snark)    
  
“You really didn’t think this through, did you?” the Spy remarked when the Engineer pushed aside another mess of tangled wires.    
  
The Engineer scowled. “Shut your mouth already, goddamn! Why’re you always such a smartass?”    
  
“Because you’re a much more interesting lay when you’re angry, of course.” When the Engineer sputtered with incoherent rage, the Spy took the opportunity to extract himself from the other man’s grasp and produce a small tube from his jacket pocket. “See, I even came prepared this time.”    
  
The Engineer turned a lovely shade of red. “I’m warning you, Spy—”    
  
“Yes, yes, I’ll behave.”    


* * *

18\. Conflict of Interest (Spy/Spy a la Mr. and Mrs. Smith)    
  
Our relationship wasn’t ever supposed to have meant anything. And I had used him as much as he used me. It should’ve been easy to pull the trigger.    
  
Instead, I tossed the gun well out of reach, causing him to narrow his eyes. “What trickery is this?”    
  
“It’s not a trick. You’ve won, fair and square.” I forced a weak smile. “Do with me what you will.”    
  
He stepped forward, pressing the gun to my chest. “Did you think I wanted any of this to happen?”    
  
I risked resting my hands on his. “I don’t know, what do you want?”    


* * *

19\. Nerd Sex (safety words, mystery pairing)    
  
Everything was ready; all that was left was a bit of insurance. “The safety word is…” The Sniper pondered for a moment and smirked. “‘Megatron’.”    
  
The tips of the Engineer’s ears turned pink. “You ain’t ever gonna let me live that down, are ya?”    
  
The Sniper was grinning ear to ear now. “Nope. Serves you right for not hiding your stash well enough, you weirdo.”    
  
And the Engineer? Red as a tomato. “Says the man who likes being tied up and smacked around.”    
  
“Still more normal than writing robot porn,” the Sniper teased in sing-song.    
  
“Shut up or I’m leaving!”    


* * *

20\. Oblivious to Love (clueless Spy)    
  
I’d always thought the description “married to the job” was an exaggeration until I met the Spy. Even off the battlefield, he didn’t seem to be able to talk about any subject that didn’t pertain to his expertise—and, to my complete surprise, relationships was not among those.    
  
“You mean you’ve never even seduced anybody for, say, state secrets or something?” I asked him once, being sure to lean meaningfully in his direction.    
  
He shifted over to give me more room. “My experience lies more in sabotage. Relationships tend to be more of a liability in this line of work.”    


* * *

21\. Politically Incorrect (Medic/Demoman, forbidden fruit, potential for unfunny)    
  
The first time he touched himself was in the summer of 1936 as an awkward pimply teenager despairing of ever living up to the Teutonic ideal, shamefully reveling in puerile fantasies. He justified it to himself as being young, confused, and attracted to any display of fitness regardless of race.    
  
Thirty plus years later, he found himself reevaluating his beliefs when circumstances put him in close quarters with men of differing ethnicities, among whom was the most magnificent specimen of a demolitions expert he’d ever seen. The fantasies returned with full force, and he couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else.    


* * *

22\. Experimentation (Scout/Scoutbot)    
  
This was beyond crazy: Hardhat’s little pet project was chocked full of gears and sharp edges; there wasn’t anywhere the Scout could put his dick without the risk of getting stuck, pinched or worse. On top of that, anybody could walk in on him.    
  
The danger made it that much more exciting. And he figured out how to bend the machine’s fingers so that rubbing against them felt wonderful. It sucked that he had to finish the job himself, but he got close to being caught the first few times because he couldn’t clean the jizz all the way out.    


* * *

23\. Mother Hubbard (Spy/Engineer, crossdressing)    
  
The Spy gave the drawstrings of the corset one last, vicious tug and smirked when he heard the Engineer let out a pained wheeze.    
  
“Was that really necessary, Spy?”    
  
“Of course. The rest of the team would never let you off the hook if you went about this willy-nilly.” The Spy helped the Engineer into the dress as well and began the laborious process of lacing it up. “Just imagine the looks on their faces when you walk into the room the very picture of elegance.”    
  
The Engineer broke into a grin at that. “Yeah, they sure would be surprised!”    


* * *

24\. Disco Stick (Spy/Scout, lap dance lessons)    
  
The Spy smirked when, without prompting, the Scout put his arms around the Spy’s neck and leaned forward, breathing shakily against his collarbone. “You are a fast learner, little one.”    
  
“Shut up.” The Scout shifted his weight for better leverage and began to grind against the Spy in earnest. “I’m gonna make you come today, just you wait.”    
  
His “star pupil” was improving, even if it was only at a snail’s pace. Then again, he’d never expected the Scout to take his offer seriously. He envied whoever it was that the Scout was planning to give his real performance to.    


* * *

25\. A Sense of Familiarity (Concept Scout/Scout)    
  
He noticed me staring at him and smiled. “Is there something on my face?”    
  
I quickly averted my gaze. “No. Nothing. It’s stupid.”    
  
He drew an arm around my waist and kissed the top of my forehead. “Don’t say that.” He smirked and tapped my nose. “You’ll end up telling me the next time you get plastered anyway.”    
  
“No I wouldn’t!” Like I could ever tell him I find him attractive is because he’s exactly how I imagine my dad to be like.    
  
“We’ll see.” He gave my knee a playful squeeze. “You up for round two yet?”    
  
“You bet!”    


* * *

26\. Fetish (“Odd Scout”)    
  
“Damnit, Doc, you’re gonna leave hickies again.”    
  
The Medic ignored the Scout’s complaint and continued to suckle the Scout’s throat between huffs from his Medigun while his hand prepared and pumped the Scout’s erection. By the time the Medic was lowering himself onto it, all the Scout could manage was incoherent cries and the occasional expletive.    
  
“Aw, Geez!” the Scout threw his head back—and it kept going. His gangly limbs, too, began to stretch in impossible directions as his hips rocked back and forth. The Medic held on for dear life, nuzzling, kissing, and biting that beautiful, bizarre neck.    


* * *

27\. Cultural Differences (Scout, circumcision)    
  
The Scout was usually the first in and out of the showers; today, however, he noticed the Heavy at the doorway staring at his crotch. The Scout pretended not to notice until he was finished rinsing off, then struck a saucy pose. “See something ya like, big guy?”    
  
The Heavy at least had the decency to look embarrassed. “Did not know you were Jewish, Scout.”    
  
The Scout blinked. “I’m not.”    
  
The Heavy was confused now. “Then why is penis looking different from mine?”    
  
The Scout shrugged. “Dunno. Everybody I know is like this.” He grinned. “Wanna touch it or something?”    


* * *

28\. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (Uniform kink)    
  
The Soldier set the framed photograph he accidentally knocked over back to its upright position with the reverence of handling a sacred object. “You never told me you enlisted, Engie.”    
  
“Didn’t ever do nuthin’ worth talkin’ about, not like you, Solly.” The Engineer chuckled. “Heck, I didn’t even get ta wear the uniform ‘cept maybe fer that picture.”    
  
“Then we need to rectify that post haste! You still have it, dontcha?”    
  
“Well, yeah, but it’s not like I have it with me! And it probably don’t even fit no more!”    
  
“Send for it anyway! I wanna see you in it!”    


* * *

29\. Research (Engineer vs. Medic, mad science)    
  
The Spy’s calm facade cracked once the Medic walked into the Engineer’s workshop wheeling a cart full of things anyone else couldn’t even begin to identify. “I don’t remember agreeing to an audience.”    
  
“Relax, Spy. The Doc’s just here ta gimme some pointers and make sure I don’t go overboard.” The smirk on the Engineer’s face, however, painted a very different picture.    
  
The Spy fought the urge to panic; he could still escape from his restraints just in case, but he was still saving that as an absolute last resort. If he chickened out now, he’d never live it down.    


* * *

30\. Papa Bear (Heavy/Sniper)    
  
It started with the Heavy making the arduous climb up to the Sniper’s nest to make sure the reclusive man was eating properly. Then the Heavy noticed blood seeping through the Sniper’s vest at the end of missions and, as the Sniper refused to “intrude” on the Medic, took it upon himself to change the Sniper’s bandages. And, since the Heavy was the biggest man on the team, he was often called to accompany the Sniper on his trips into town to buy things.    
  
By the time it became obvious to everyone that they were sleeping together, nobody was surprised.    


* * *

31\. Ambition (Heavy/You)    
  
The Heavy’s plans for life after his contract ends get more elaborate and far-fetched every time he discusses it with you. This time, for example, he outlines how he’ll become Supreme Ruler over all the earth and spend his old age surrounded by beautiful women in a luxurious palace. “But you’ll always be my favorite,” he assures you, giving you a sloppy kiss. “What about you?”    
  
“Hm?”    
  
“How come you never talk about what you will do in the future?”    
  
“I dunno,” you lie. “I don’t really think about it, I guess.”    
  
“You can come live with me, then!”    
  
“Maybe.”    


* * *

32\. Stuck on You (Soldier/Soldier)    
  
The Soldier returned to consciousness and groaned when he saw that he was still firmly embracing his rival. Even worse, both of them were now stark naked. “That didn’t work, either.”    
  
“I can see that for myself,” was the growled response. “So what now, maggot?”    
  
He shifted his face so he at least wasn’t breathing into the other man’s nostrils. “What makes you think I have any idea? And who are you calling a maggot, you useless hippie?”    
  
Said other man was turning bright red. “At the very least stop squirming! You’re making it worse!”    
  
“I’m not squirming, you are!”    


* * *

33\. Awkward (Scout/whomever, premature ejaculation)    
  
“Scout! Slow down, I’m gonna—” The warning came too late; the Engineer came right then and there, coating the Scout’s hand.    
  
The Scout rolled his eyes and grabbed a corner of the Engineer’s shirt to wipe himself down. “Seriously, Hardhat, this isn’t funny anymore.”    
  
“It’s not like I mean ta do it,” the Engineer muttered, looking more dismayed about his shirt than anything else.    
  
“I guess I’m just that good,” the Scout gloated, re-positioning himself on the Engineer’s lap.    
  
The Engineer chuckled, planting a kiss on before the Scout could react and reaching over to help him finish off.    


* * *

34\. Freud was Right (BLU Scout/RED Scoutmama)    
  
She lived in a house not too different from his, except it was now almost always empty because her “boys” had all grown and gone their separate ways—and he talked her into doing it at least once in every single room.    
  
She topped that by suggesting he dress up like her youngest while they were doing it. He thought this to be kinda skeevy, but okay, whatever. He put the clothes on, adopted the mannerisms, and then proceeded to fuck her on “his” bed like nothing was wrong.    
  
His taunts against his rival got much more effective after that.    


* * *

35\. One with Russia (Heavy/Medic, nonconsensual)    
  
The Medic hadn’t thought anything of the Heavy’s declarations of love or constant ignorance of personal space, as the man did that to everyone else on the team. Until the very moment he was assaulted—in his own office, no less—the Medic considered the Heavy to be a complete non-entity once the day’s fighting was done.    
  
After that, he didn’t know what to think. There was no change in the Heavy’s demeanor otherwise; in fact, when he wasn’t in the mood for sex, he ignored the Medic completely.    
  
When he was? No amount of begging could convince him otherwise.


End file.
